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Health & Fitness

Lost Identity or Depression?

Firefighter Don Beckett faces a new hurdle; his forced retirement due to cancer

This past Friday, Aug. 5, was my last day of record with the . 

This was a very sad and emotional day for me, as I was not even able to step foot into the fire station or call my co-workers.

For the past seven months, I did not truly feel depressed about my disease of cancer. I truly had the spirit of fighting the disease, and when the Lord took me home, I would be truly happy there!

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However, this weekend I feel like I lost my sense of identity and my personal worth. When you become a firefighter-paramedic, it is much more than a job that you clock into at 8 a.m. and clock out at 5 p.m. and forget about.

When you are a firefighter-paramedic, this is your life. On your days off, you still carry a pager and get "called back" into work several times per day. Your co-worker will call you on the phone and say "Don, did you hear the gray shift has a working fire?" I'll meet you at the station! We know they need our help because we are so short staffed. 

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You have a sense of responsibility to every firefighter there whether you are on duty or not. It does not matter that it is Christmas Eve or Easter Sunday. When the emergency happens, we must respond. After 20 years of this with Kent and another 10 years in other communities you think to yourself, "won't it be nice to retire and not have to do this anymore?" I know the answer to this question now and I can truthfully tell you the answer is "no!" 

I feel like I am no longer needed.  I feel I have lost my identity that I was placed here for. Yes, I am weeping as I type this blog. Do I feel depressed now? Yes. Not because of the disease, but because of the position the disease has put me into rendering me incapable of being a firefighter.

There is no other job in the world like being a firefighter-paramedic (especially in Kent!)  I enjoyed and thrived on being able to help people when they needed help.  It may only consist of holding an elderly woman's hand on the way to the hospital or giving a caretaker a hug when they feel they are not doing an adequate job for their loved one. Other times it may involve searching an apartment building on fire with a baby trapped inside. It is not the task at hand, but rather just being there when that person needed you the most. I am missing this responsibility very much!

The comraderie at the fire station is the strongest bond I have ever seen amongst any group of people. Recently, while I was in the hospital and just came out of surgery, Chief James Williams spent his day next to my bed holding an emesis basin to my mouth while I was vomiting continously. At the same time, he was rubbing my back and shoulders trying anyway possible to help relax and reduce my pain. These are men that will do anything for me and I would do for them. 

Many of the firefighters have already assured me that I will always be a Kent firefighter, sensing my sadness and depression. However, this will be another hurdle that I will have to face head on and "bounce" back from. I will in time find a new sense of responsibility and personal worth to focus my efforts on, none of which will be as rewarding as my career with the city of Kent's fire department. 

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